Developing a healthy stepfamily is a delicate and complex endeavor. After all there are many people and feelings to consider. Patience and understanding is important throughout this process. The following is a guideline to help you and your family through this difficult and exciting time. It is not to be considered an easy or comprehensive solution and may need to be adapted to meet the unique needs of you and your family.

Strategize

During this time of change it is necessary, even though it may be uncomfortable, to plan with both your spouse and ex-spouse. This task is important for structuring boundaries, roles, rules, and responsibilities within the original and new family. Through communication, negotiation, and compromise the anticipated result is decreased chaos, conflict and confusion.

Maintain Relationships

It can be a challenge to balance and maintain established relationships while building new ones as parents and children often struggle with conflicting loyalties. This dilemma can trigger feelings of guilt, grief, blame, abandonment and jealousy. Often, family members find it helpful to get support and guidance from a family therapist or other trained professional.

Acknowledge Feelings

One of the most essential, yet difficult, tasks in successful stepfamily formation is being aware of your feelings and acknowledging the feelings of others. Remember that this process is an adjustment for each family member. In adapting to this complicated change it is important for you to openly discuss feelings and allow others to express their feelings in a respectful manner. Some common feelings in newly formed step families include anger, sadness, fear, resentment, distrust, disappointment, and embarrassment.

Respect Each Other

Respect is a necessary ingredient for establishing healthy relationships within the stepfamily. Stepparents should be aware that children are often divided on beliefs and values between the two families, and this needs to be understood and discussed. Respect of one another can reduce power struggles in the family, suspicion and resistance. Building trust is earned, not acquired, and is more easily earned when children feel respected.

Take Time

Be careful not to create unrealistic expectations for yourself or others. Healthy relationships are built with trust and time. It is helpful if all family members are committed to the acceptance of others and their different experiences. Often, step parents try too hard to be excepted by the new family. Take time to get to know one another. Remember, there is always support and guidance available during this time of change.

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